I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
