pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
