I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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