i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
