i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
