1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
