omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
