So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
