so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
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My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
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High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
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