You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
