There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
