My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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