I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
