im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
