Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
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