shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
