just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
