I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize