Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
