Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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