Cold hands, warm shart.
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
