Only a mothe r could love this liver
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize