I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
