If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
