im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Randomize
