Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
