Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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