a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
MIDGETS
????
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
