Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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