remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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