it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
