you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
