trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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