Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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