Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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