You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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