Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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