You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
