i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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