yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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