We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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