I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Randomize
