He kissed a someone with a penis
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
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