Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
