i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
