Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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