I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
