I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
