Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Randomize
