he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
you never un-have a 4some
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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