It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
