Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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