i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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