we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize