Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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