i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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