booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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