it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
There r osticjed everywhere
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
