it hurts more in the daytime
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
