I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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