i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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